The journey through maturity is often a rocky one. Like a kid avoiding a vaccine, we often resist lessons in character development. Whether fear is at the source or we simply relish in our combative nature, our behaviors tend to perpetuate into these unshakable identities — which most of the time, aren’t even who we want to be.
My path was tempestuous, riddled in ignorance and blind spots that not only projected a deafening cry for help but sealed the door for anyone else to enter.
It wasn’t until my quiet desperation yielded long enough for me to understand the impact I was having on others, did I finally release everything I had ever known to be “me”.
The first step in causing a breakthrough is awareness, and this list compiles several of the key distinctions I now leverage to stay true to what’s important to me.
Here are 10 signs you’re well on your way to closing the gap on your character deficiencies.
1. You discuss ideas, not people.
Given our tendency to relish the negative in our conversations, it’s rarely a good idea to talk about others. Occasionally, sure, we’re revering someone’s efforts or progress. But generally speaking, it’s safe to say we’re talking about others to prop ourselves up on a soapbox.
Events are fine points of discussion but when your conversations make the shift to primarily idea-based, your level of satisfaction in life is sure to go up.
2. You love yourself as much as you love anyone else.
Self-love was never my strong suit until this year. I took issue with every possible thing about myself that even marginally ventured outside the norm. It’s an exhausting game that always ends the same way — you don’t win.
Real self-love is an appreciation for not only all that’s great about you, but also your legitimate imperfections. This isn’t meant to be rooted in spite, though — especially in an “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” way. This love is acknowledging what needs improvement and loving yourself enough to put in the work to refine it.
Happy with what you’ve got, while you pursue what you want.
3. You take responsibility for all that is yours — regardless of whose fault it may be.
If you have any activity on social media, I’m sure you’ve seen Will Smith’s fresh take on fault versus responsibility. If not, here it is. In essence, he’s pointing out that I have a duty to as a human being to take responsibility for everything I can. Every situation in which I’m involved, I play a role in causing the outcome.
The outcomes aren’t always pretty. And I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid looking bad. So the natural inclination becomes, point the finger. This is a band-aid for something that needs surgery. While it may bring a temporary sense of relief, relief isn’t joy. Relief isn’t peace. The situation needs to be dealt with in an empowering manner, or I’ll be at risk of throwing yet another bag onto the conveyor belt — to be hauled around indefinitely.
Over time, those bags feel heavier. Fatigue sets in and the energy I used to channel for happiness and euphoria is suddenly allocated elsewhere. Responsibility is owning where I am imperfect, where I set an expectation, where I chose my opinion over another person or collective purpose. When I accept cause in the matter, I can then cause a new outcome.
4. You understand not everything requires your opinion.
One of my go-to legs to stand on in life was appearing smart. I met my need for significance and certainty this way, correcting people and adding unnecessary input when they simply wanted to share what was on their mind.
Unaware of my inauthentic behavior, everyone knew I was serving myself. I became the shit I was full of. I said what I wanted to say, not what they needed — or didn’t need — to hear.
I finally gave it all up and began to replace my hollow rhetoric with space and time — one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. I cherish my alone time for the peace and quiet it breeds. The great news is when I give people that very same thing, and they cherish me.
The journey through maturity is often a rocky one. Like a kid avoiding a vaccine, we often resist lessons in character development. Whether fear is at the source or we simply relish in our combative nature, our behaviors tend to perpetuate into these unshakable identities — which most of the time, aren’t even who we want to be.
My path was tempestuous, riddled in ignorance and blind spots that not only projected a deafening cry for help but sealed the door for anyone else to enter.
It wasn’t until my quiet desperation yielded long enough for me to understand the impact I was having on others, did I finally release everything I had ever known to be “me”.
The first step in causing a breakthrough is awareness, and this list compiles several of the key distinctions I now leverage to stay true to what’s important to me.
Here are 10 signs you’re well on your way to closing the gap on your character deficiencies.
1. You discuss ideas, not people.
Given our tendency to relish the negative in our conversations, it’s rarely a good idea to talk about others. Occasionally, sure, we’re revering someone’s efforts or progress. But generally speaking, it’s safe to say we’re talking about others to prop ourselves up on a soapbox.
Events are fine points of discussion but when your conversations make the shift to primarily idea-based, your level of satisfaction in life is sure to go up.
2. You love yourself as much as you love anyone else.
Self-love was never my strong suit until this year. I took issue with every possible thing about myself that even marginally ventured outside the norm. It’s an exhausting game that always ends the same way — you don’t win.
Real self-love is an appreciation for not only all that’s great about you, but also your legitimate imperfections. This isn’t meant to be rooted in spite, though — especially in an “I Can Do Bad All By Myself” way. This love is acknowledging what needs improvement and loving yourself enough to put in the work to refine it.
Happy with what you’ve got, while you pursue what you want.
3. You take responsibility for all that is yours — regardless of whose fault it may be.
If you have any activity on social media, I’m sure you’ve seen Will Smith’s fresh take on fault versus responsibility. If not, here it is. In essence, he’s pointing out that I have a duty to as a human being to take responsibility for everything I can. Every situation in which I’m involved, I play a role in causing the outcome.
The outcomes aren’t always pretty. And I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid looking bad. So the natural inclination becomes, point the finger. This is a band-aid for something that needs surgery. While it may bring a temporary sense of relief, relief isn’t joy. Relief isn’t peace. The situation needs to be dealt with in an empowering manner, or I’ll be at risk of throwing yet another bag onto the conveyor belt — to be hauled around indefinitely.
Over time, those bags feel heavier. Fatigue sets in and the energy I used to channel for happiness and euphoria is suddenly allocated elsewhere. Responsibility is owning where I am imperfect, where I set an expectation, where I chose my opinion over another person or collective purpose. When I accept cause in the matter, I can then cause a new outcome.
4. You understand not everything requires your opinion.
One of my go-to legs to stand on in life was appearing smart. I met my need for significance and certainty this way, correcting people and adding unnecessary input when they simply wanted to share what was on their mind.
Unaware of my inauthentic behavior, everyone knew I was serving myself. I became the shit I was full of. I said what I wanted to say, not what they needed — or didn’t need — to hear.
I finally gave it all up and began to replace my hollow rhetoric with space and time — one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. I cherish my alone time for the peace and quiet it breeds. The great news is when I give people that very same thing, and they cherish me.
