Most women I know apply their own set of accounting rules to their diet. You wave the bread away and hold the fries so you can have two mojitos instead and feel virtuous. You skip carbs but double down on protein and chocolate and find yourself still hungry, with a headache. We lie to ourselves about our emotional intake, too, when it comes to dating. You reason that sleeping with an ex doesn’t count because it’s not as if you’re increasing the “all-important” number of men/women you’ve slept with. What you don’t calculate is that it still adds up to emotional calories. It’s energy that could be better deployed elsewhere.
Nutritionists will grill you to find out if you actually consume enough healthy calories to keep your body satisfied and functioning properly. And they will certainly ask about your medical history. Do the same thing for your love life.
STEP 1: ASSESS YOUR PAST RELATIONSHIPS
- How many people have you dated? For how long?
- How did each relationship end?
- What is the happiest you have ever been in a relationship? What about it made you happy?
Take an inventory of all the partners you have had in your past. Include the ones who didn’t work out as well as successful relationships. Whether you like the bad boys or supersensitive ones, you likely have a relationship pattern that you need to examine in order to determine the right habits going forward.
STEP 2: CONSIDER HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF TO OTHERS
- Do you find yourself to be the best topic of conversation? In other words, do you talk only about yourself?
- Are you compassionate? Are you a good listener?
- What would it be like to date you?
If answering these is too hard, then ask your sister or a friend. Next, compile a list of the blowouts you’ve had with any of your exes. Does a pattern emerge? A common complaint about you in relationships? (Too selfish? Too messy? Too harsh?) Something that you tend to be defensive about? If so, perhaps it indicates an element of truth.
STEP 3: IDENTIFY AND ANALYZE YOUR DATING HABITS
- If you are in a relationship and unhappy, why do you stay?
- What is the most enjoyable part of having sex with someone?
- How much do you change your personality around your boyfriend or girlfriend?
Just as it’s easy to get into bad food habits, it’s easy to get into bad love habits too. Do you always fall for the guy who ignores you? Do you stay with people who make you feel bad about yourself?
STEP 4: THINK TO YOUR FUTURE
- Make a detailed list of the 10 qualities you are looking for in a partner (and don’t forget to include your thoughts on children).
If you’re not getting what you want out of love, this dating detox can help. What are your cravings and weaknesses when it comes to love? And how can you break them? I’m not suggesting one of those extreme cleanses where you’re supposed to survive on water infused with cayenne pepper for 10 days. But it’s worth suffering the headaches that come from a decent detox as your system rebalances itself without the usual junk you’ve come to rely on. It’s time to move you forward.
