Self-love…it’s a topic that everyone’s talking about.
Most people think that self-love is staring really hard in the mirror telling yourself that you love your body, even though you spent years at war with your reflection staring back at you. You don’t really mean the words that are coming out of your mouth.
But self-love is actually more about getting into a relationship with yourself. After all, you’re the person you have to sleep with every single night, for the rest of your life. So, nurturing that relationship is crucial – and believe it or not, greatly impacts all of your other relationships too. How you feel about yourself will invite in the standard of relationship you are accepting into your life. Essentially, you are teaching others how to love you, by the way you love yourself.
Self love an ongoing, daily practice. It is not a destination, it is a great adventure. It is not something we suddenly switch on one day and all of our problems are solved. It is something we work on every single day. Some days we nail it, some days we need to work a little bit harder – and that’s okay!
Knowing how to start practising self-love can be tricky though – do we start repeating mantras? Keep ferociously telling ourselves we do? There’s no immediately obvious answer so we spoke to Mel Wells, the UK’s leading Eating Psychology Coach and Self Love Expert, about the habits of people who truly love themselves.
Here are the ten things that the award-winning author says people who have harboured real self-love do:
1. Quality Time
They spend quality time with themselves on a regular basis. Yes, that’s right. They spend time alone. Something which a lot of people fear. When we spend time alone, that is when we really begin to understand and get to know ourselves best. People who love themselves love to spend time alone. They take themselves on solo dates to a restaurant or the cinema. They spend time away from their family and friends to do something for themselves such as have a long bubble bath, read a good book, get a massage, do some journaling etc. Spending time alone can feel pretty scary, but when you truly love yourself, you never feel alone.
2. Trust
They trust themselves completely; and more importantly their bodies. People who love themselves do not feel the need to continuously diet. They do not track their calories, restrict or starve themselves, neither do they binge or overeat. They trust their bodies completely to guide them with their food and nutrition. They listen to their bodies consistently throughout the day and make choices based on what they really want and what will nourish them.
3. Communication
They communicate with themselves regularly. They go through the day asking themselves ‘How I do I feel right now?’ or ‘What do I need right now?’ Then they respond accordingly to whatever the answer may be. People who love themselves have an open, running dialogue with themselves to ensure their needs are being constantly met.
4. Acceptance
People who love themselves love ever single part of their body – flaws and all. They accept themselves for exactly who they are and do not try to change themselves all the time. They accept that they are perfectly imperfectly and celebrate every single inch of themselves. And because they accept themselves in this way, they do not give a shit what anybody else thinks.
5. Respect
People who love themselves have the upmost respect for themselves. When you are in a relationship with someone, you speak and respond to them with respect right? Well, that’s exactly what people who love themselves do. They talk and respond to themselves with respect. They do not talk shit about themselves or harm themselves in any way. They respect their gorgeous bodies with their words and their actions.
6. Honesty
Are you truly honest with yourself? People who love themselves are authentic, they know who they really are and they stay true to themselves. They get honest about what they want and do not want. They are not afraid to say no to something they don’t want to do. They don’t stay stuck in situations that they don’t want to be in. They know what they really want and they make constant shifts and changes from a place of love to follow their dreams and live their best life as their truest self.
7. Fun
All great relationships have fun, right? Hopefully yours do! But just how much fun are you having with yourself? People who love themselves are playful and fun with themselves daily. They make time to do things that are fun for them and that really light them up! They don’t take themselves too seriously and aren’t afraid to let their hair down a little!
8. Intimacy
We all need intimacy in our relationships, especially with the one we have with ourselves. People who love themselves know their bodies intimately. They take the time to get to know their bodies and know what they like or don’t like. They touch themselves and feel themselves with a little self-massage or luxurious moisturiser.
9. Comparison (Or lack of)
People who love themselves do not compare themselves to others, especially other women. They understand that we are all unique in our own ways. Comparison is really common with the women I work with. To stop comparing yourself with others, you have to understand that you can celebrate another women’s success or beauty without diminishing your own.
10. Celebration
Truly loving yourself means celebrating every single thing about you. It’s about celebrating all of your success and achievements – no matter how small. People who love themselves celebrate themselves every single day. Just like in a relationship you would celebrate anniversaries or getting a house or a dog, in your relationship with yourself you love yourself enough to celebrate your existence every single day with gratitude.
So, these are just ten ways that you can practice self-love. Are there any that stood out for you? Maybe you’ve noticed an area that is lacking in your life, or maybe you can recognise an area where you are killing it?
Whatever your current relationship status is with yourself, always remember to be kind and make every choice from a place of love.
Ask yourself today: ‘What would someone who loves themselves do?’
