Ever wondered how your body, wallet or social life compare to the latest Instagram star or celeb? Or obsessed about those friends who seem to work less for better pay, have svelter figures or seemingly happier relationships?
Such comparisons are common — we all make them. Comparing ourselves to others is part of the human condition, says chartered psychologist, Dr Joan Harvey, of Newcastle University.’We define ourselves as either distinct from or similar to others. It is part of self-identity and self-image.’
But the trick is to do it in a way that doesn’t make us ill or harm our self-esteem.
In our screen-centric culture we can now compare and contrast ourselves 24/7. Indeed, for the first time in history, many people do. A recent survey found young people spend more time on social media and electronic devices than they do sleeping (OFCOM survey).
Social media and mental health
And not everybody does it in a way that makes them feel good. In May, at the British Psychological Society’s annual conference, Dr Martin Graff, University of South Wales, presented the preliminary findings of his study on social media and self-esteem, to reveal a generation of Facebook and Twitter users who select profile pictures based on ‘like’ counts, and who delete posts that fail to elicit sufficient approval.
‘The proliferation of social media use has led to general concerns about the effects on our mental health,’ Graff warns.
It’s something Anxiety UK is all too aware of. In its own survey on social media, over half of participants (51%) said social networking had knocked their self-confidence as they compared their achievements to those of their online friends. Two-thirds found it harder to relax or sleep after spending time on a social networking site and over half admitted to feeling more self-conscious about their body image.
‘Social media allows people to present a filtered sense of reality when it comes to their lives; one which may be far from accurate. When people start to compare themselves to what they are seeing on social media, they can find themselves trying to meet unrealistic expectations leading to increased self-doubt, body image insecurity, feelings of anxiety, and lowered self-esteem,’ says Nicky Lidbetter, CEO of Anxiety UK.
The American Academy of Pediatrics has even identified a condition called ‘Facebook Depression’ where people feel left-out or inadequate compared to their online friends. And a study on college women, published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders, associates more frequent social networking with ‘greater disordered eating’.
Health education expert, Dr Aric Sigman, believes there is a ‘very strong’ relationship between the amount of time people spend on social media and increased body dissatisfaction and eating disorders.
‘High consumption of idealised images seems to activate social comparison neural networks in the brain that compare your size with media images, activating areas like the amygdala associated with fear and anxiety,’ he says.
It can also affect relationships. Nicky Lidbetter says feelings of insecurity which arise from comparing ourselves to others (both on and offline) can prevent us from relaxing in social situations for ‘fear of saying the wrong thing or being judged for the way we look, act or behave.’
How do we stop social media and comparisons?
A good starting point is to inject some reality into what we are comparing ourselves to. Not everything we see should be taken at face value. Celebrity images are invariably digitally altered — waists made to look smaller, skin smoother.
And it’s not just the famous who ‘airbrush’ their lives. Research shows that 25% of social networkers lie online and that people only post and tag photos that show them at their best.
‘Remind yourself that what you see on social media has been specifically selected, edited, touched up and has often had numerous filters added. The content we see on our newsfeeds is often not presenting a truthful representation of someone’s life; it’s giving you access to a ‘touched up’ version of that person which is usually inaccurate and not at all representative of what their actual life is like,’ says Lidbetter.
Another solution is to reframe how we view glamorous online images. Dr Harvey suggests those who see media representations of ‘ultra gorgeous women’ as ‘role models’ and ‘something to ‘aspire to’, will struggle more than people who recognise these images to be ‘a dream thing’ and little more than escapism.
But if the comparisons keep coming, the only solution maybe to actively spend less time checking news feeds and images. ‘Setting a daily limit can help prevent excessive time being spent subconsciously strolling through social media feeds throughout the day,’ says Lidbetter.
She stresses the importance of maintaining a healthy balance between social media and taking part in other activities, in particular connecting with the outdoors and engaging in physical exercise. “Both represent an ideal way to switch off devices and break away from technology, allowing you to experience the moment in a truly mindful and uninterrupted manner.”
Lidbetter urges everyone to take ‘mental down time‘.
‘Allowing your mind to be free from the constant buzz of white noise for 10 minutes a day is to be encouraged. Practising mindfulness techniques can assist with this, helping with the stilling of the mind and relaxation.’
It’s a view echoed by Dr Harvey who says getting away ‘from the pressured world’ is key to wellbeing. She recommends volunteering as a way to quell obsessive thoughts, and to help escape the ‘bubble of one’s little world’. ‘Learn to feel good about yourself when you’ve done something good. It’s incredibly effective in enhancing self-worth.’
Numerous studies link volunteering to enhanced wellbeing, including increased life satisfaction, reduced stress levels, and less depression.
At the very least, when the comparisons get too much, log-off, log out and do something different.
Quick tips to stop comparing yourself to others
- Stop comparing yourself to something that isn’t real. Images of models online or in magazines are invariably airbrushed to portray unattainable perfection.
- A quarter of social networkers admit to lying online. Don’t take everything at face value. It may leave you striving for the unachievable.
- Stop seeing celebrities and the super rich as a blueprint for what you must be. View them instead as providing escapism.
- Log out! Disengage from the means of making those comparisons. Schedule in time away from social media.
- Do voluntary work. Studies suggest this lowers stress and depression, benefiting the volunteers as well as their recipients.
- Do outdoor activities and physical exercise
Be mindful —relaxation techniques can help If the negative comparisons persist, and you are struggling with low self-esteem, confidence or anxiety issues, try a short course in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).
