Only in a world of extreme inequality is it possible to build things of enormous beauty and magnificence. Think of the architecture we’d have missed out on if it wasn’t for the kings and pharaohs of old. Think of the music and the majestic spaces we’d never have if the Catholic church wasn’t loaded to the teeth. Think of what humanity loses if the Medici family didn’t have offensively large piles of dosh to throw at humble painters and sculptors.
Flatten the hierarchy, scream the modern marxists. What, do you wish to tear down the soul-elevating magnificence of the achievements of inequality, and replace them with the crushing brutality of Communist concrete and marching songs?
It is rampant inequality that brings us today’s subject, as well. The most expensive SUV in the world. And all its performance figures pale into insignificance beside the one number that counts. 2.2 million. That’s how many U.S. dollars you’ll need to light on fire to buy the Karlmann King.
And if the achievements of the old world that delight us today stand tall on their extraordinary levels of accomplishment, technical mastery and sheer, awesome beauty, the Karlmann King stands even taller on a pedestal of furious, flesh-tearing onanism.
Under the skin, it’s a Ford F550 commercial cab chassis, complete with a lightly warmed up version of the standard 6.8-liter V10 engine that boosts it up to 398 horsepower. Which would be a moderately decent amount of poke if it didn’t have to drag either 4,500 or 6,000 kilograms around (that’s 9920 or 13,230 pounds) depending on whether it’s been bulletproofed or not.
Top speed is thus a paltry 87 mph (140 km/h), so you’d better stay out of the fast lane in certain jurisdictions. But who cares? You and your grubby sacks of money won’t be in the driver’s seat anyway. You’ll be in the back, tooling about with the Playstation or the satellite TV, popping overpriced champagne out of the built-in fridge and watching the electric armrests go up and down as you fiddle with the many touch-screen options at your disposal.
The interior decor has to be seen to be believed. Available in a bunch of different color schemes, it’s best described as looking like the cabin of a galactic Sheikh’s personal space ship, complete with a luminous night sky design on the ceiling and color-matched LED lighting throughout.
An interior so finely detailed and luxurious makes a stark contrast to what the outside world sees. The Karlmann team claims it was attempting to make a road-going stealth bomber. What they actually achieved is a brutal, angular Bat-SUV looking thing of awkward and ungainly proportions. It’s as if the owner is selfishly hoarding all the nice stuff for himself on the inside, and punishing the peasants for their crime of being born poor by making them look at the exterior. Real stealthy, team.
Only 12 will be made – hopefully because there’s only 12 fools in the world rich enough to throw two and a bit mil at a 40 grand Ford with 2.16 million dollars worth of rank narcissism piled on top of it.
