Robbie Williams has spoken about his painful battle with mental health, saying ‘I’ve got a disease in my head that wants to kill me.’
In a candid interview with The Sun, the iconic singer, 44, admitted that he had come close to death ‘many times’, and compared his ‘rollercoaster life’ with that of the late George Michael, who died on Christmas Day 2016.
The brave Angels hitmaker said: ‘Fortunately and unfortunately, left to my own devices, I’m inclined to sabotage everything.
‘I’ve got a disease that wants to kill me and it’s in my head, so I have to guard against that.
The former Take That member said sometimes his mental health struggle overwhelms him and other times he needs it to get onstage.
He also said that he has periods of ‘bliss’ which are wonderful.
Robbie also spoke about his relationship with Wham! singer George, saying he felt a connection to his acquaintance with the pair travelling along ‘similar rollercoaster’ lifestyles, before admitting he missed the star.
Robbie said he and George were ‘fond and b***hy’ about each other, with both leaving hit bands and striking out on their own as successful solo singers, while battling their own demons.
He said the death of the Faith singer caused him to reassess his lifestyle, saying: ‘The things I’ve put myself through, I’ve been close to . . . It’s like, By the grace of God go I’. It’s been so close so many times.’
The star is currently in Australia on his The Heavy Entertainment Show tour, he kicked off the Australian leg of his world tour in Brisbane on February 20 before he headed to Melbourne in late February.
He recently landed in Sydney ahead of his performances on February 28 and March 1.
Robbie shares daughter Theodora, five, and son Charlton, three, with wife of seven years, Ayda Field.
He has previously praised actress Ayda for ‘saving his life’ by ensuring he stayed clean.
The star disclosed in his book Reveal that his first evening spent with Ayda saw him ‘clucking like a chicken’ after taking drugs.
The star suffered a terrifying health scare in September last year which forced him to cancel his final two European tour dates in September after medics found ‘abnormalities’ on his brain and rushed him to hospital.
The Angels hitmaker revealed doctors found what looked like blood on his brain, forcing him to spend seven days in intensive care.
Robbie has spoken honestly about his battle with alcohol and drug addiction and mental health on a number of occasions.
The Better Man singer shot to fame at the tender age of 16 after joining boyband Take That, and soon took to a wild life of debauchery and drugs which eventually saw him depart the band on bitter terms.
He has suffered from anxiety, depression, stage fright and weight issues.
Robbie has previously admitted he was just ’24 hours away from death’ at the height of his addiction, which saw him taking a dangerous cocktail of drugs.
He said in 2009: ‘I would do 20 Vicodin in a night. I might have been 24 hours away from dying. Then I’d take Adderall, which was like speed for people with ADHD. I’d be doing colossal, heart-stopping amounts of that.
‘You can buy Sativa, which is basically LSD for five minutes. It’s powerful stuff. That’s where I was. You try your best to balance them off against each other but you never manage it.
‘It was the American addiction. Prescription pills. It wasn’t the best period of my life. You see Anna Nicole Smith goes off – pills. Michael Jackson goes off – pills. And Heath Ledger. I can relate to all of that.’
But the pop star admitted his battle with drugs started when he was just a teenager.
He said during the 2009 interview: ‘When I started going clubbing at 16 we were on acid. Then acid and speed. Then it progressed into cocaine.. Before the acid, heroin. I did that once.
‘I was 19 and went to the MTV Awards and did some Ephedrine [a stimulant], coke, E’s.’
Robbie was admitted to a clinic in Arizona in 2007, on his 33rd birthday.
In September 2017, Robbie Williams talked about the perils of fame, and sensationally disclosed that he thinks his job could ‘kill him.’
Speaking to The Sunday Times Magazine, the star frankly discussed his struggles with being in the spotlight – admitting that it was ‘bad for his health’ and touched upon his battle with depression.
Speaking to the publication, Robbie revealed: ‘This job is really bad for my health. It’s going to kill me. Unless I view it in a different way.’
‘[Depression] sprints through my family. I don’t know if I’d be this mentally ill without fame. I don’t think it would be as gross or as powerful if it hadn’t have been for fame,’ the Angel hit-maker, who is currently touring Australia, continued.
Honestly speaking about his experiences, Robbie revealed: ‘You get a magnifying glass in the shape of the world’s attention and your defects will obviously magnify too.’
The previous year, he also came clean with his battle with his demons as he appeared on ITV’s Loose Women.
The musician described how wife Ayda – turned around his life before he broke down over a video of his daughter singing a song he wrote about his children.
‘[Depression and anxiety] didn’t exist when I was battling it – thankfully we’re in brand new times now and it’s talked about – it’s not “poopooed” any more. I felt more and more isolated because I was told to just get on with it.’
The musician admitted that he’s still plagued by the insecurities that he battled during his time in Take That but he will always be open with his children about his personal struggles.
‘I didn’t know what was going on, I didn’t know there was something going on and something to say.
‘You don’t know to label it as anxiety and depression and I went on the roller coaster ride of drugs and drink.
‘My hedonism was way too much for this planet and I wanted to stay here so I had to say something.
‘I went to rehab a couple of times and done a lot of therapy and me masking or meditating it led to a lot of bad things. I nearly was no longer here.’
Asked whether he could do any drugs safely, he told the Radio Times last year: ‘Yep! I’m not searching to do anything. But I definitely can’t drink. I definitely can’t do coke. I can’t do ecstasy. And I don’t fancy heroin.’
In 2015, he opened up about his tumultuous past during a press conference ahead of his Australian and New Zealand tour.
Speaking candidly about his struggles with drugs and mental illness, Robbie confessed: ‘In 2006, I went on a world tour and I ended up doing rehab and I decided that I was going to retire’.
‘I didn’t tell anybody because I knew that it was b******s and I was second guessing myself that I really hadn’t retired, so I spent three years retired and it’s taken me a long time to come back to New Zealand,’ he continued.
In 2003, just before his legendary performance at Knebworth, he revealed he was suffering from depression caused by ecstasy use and had been taking anti-depressants for a year to control the condition.
He said: ‘When you take ecstasy, your brain releases an awful amount of serotonin, and it makes you go “great!”.
‘The serotonin in your head’s going “wey hey hey, loads of it!”, and then you use it all up and your brain’s got nothing to bathe in.”
He said: “People go ‘what have you got to be depressed about?’ And they’re right, I haven’t.
‘Now I’m on these pills. Depression isn’t about ‘woe is me, my life is this, that and the other’, it’s like having the worst flu all day that you just can’t kick.’
In 2009 during an interview with the Radio Times he spoke about smoking marijuana saying it was ”a shame” that the drug ”doesn’t mix well with me”.
He said:’Weed, it’s such a lovely drug. It is such a lovely drug. But it doesn’t mix well with me – at all’
‘But it’s just a shame about weed, because I did love it.’
In 2011, the star said that speaking to legendary musician Sir Elton John had helped him through the worst moments of his addictions.
He told Noise 11: ‘The short period in my thirties I thought, ‘I’m just about to die and I don’t care’. In fact, it would have been a relief.
‘But that’s where your f****** head goes when you’re taking loads of things you shouldn’t be taking.
‘The only person I knew that understood anything about it was Elton John… After a big bender, it’d be [does phone hand gesture] ‘Elton’. How weird is that, when the only person you know that can help you is Elton John?’
He also revealed that Elton, who he had met when he was in Take That and stayed with a couple of times, had graciously let him stay at his home in the mid 1990s after the Old Before I Die singer had been on a drugs binge.
Robbie told The Guardian that he had spent two weeks at Elton’s ‘drying out and pottering around, rattling around Elton’s big house.’
Robbie is the best-selling British solo artist in the United Kingdom and has sold more than 75m records.
