Everyone likes getting compliments.
But sometimes, even the nicest-sounding compliments are actually insults in disguise. Worse yet, you may not even realize it when your own words could be hurting someone’s feelings.
Here are eight phrases that sound nice at first glance, but really aren’t:
‘BLESS YOUR HEART’
The granddaddy of backhanded compliments, “bless your heart” is a phrase popular in the Southern US that can be applied to countless situations.
At face value, “bless your heart” is a courteous expression of empathy, thanks, or pride. But often, the phrase comes paired with condescension and judgment, like if someone said, “He has a face only a mother could love, bless his heart.”
‘YOU CLEAN UP NICELY’
While you may think you’re complimenting someone’s appearance with this one, it comes off like you think they don’t look good ordinarily.
‘YOU CLEAN UP NICELY’
While you may think you’re complimenting someone’s appearance with this one, it comes off like you think they don’t look good ordinarily.
‘HOW ARE YOU STILL SINGLE?’
You might be wondering why your smart, attractive, funny friend hasn’t managed to land a partner.
But asking them “How are you still single?” won’t give you the answer, according to dating expert Erika Ettin.
“To start, this question is a back-handed compliment at its finest, with undertones of ‘What’s wrong with you?’ or ‘Why does no one else want you?'” Ettin told Business Insider. “This question immediately puts the person at the receiving end on the defensive, when that person has nothing at all to be defensive about.”
Another problem with the question is that it assumes being in a relationship is everyone’s goal, when that isn’t always the case, Ettin said.
‘DON’T TAKE THIS THE WRONG WAY’
This phrase quietly drives people crazy.
For one, it usually precedes an insult or potentially hurtful comment. On top of that, although people may say it with good intentions, telling someone how to interpret something can come off as avoiding responsibility for the fallout.
“It’s dressing up an attack in an attempt to avoid the heat,” communication expert Robert Bacal wrote. “It’s a cowardly way to communicate, and it never works.”
‘GOOD LUCK WITH THAT’
Speakers need to be careful that their genuine wishes of good luck aren’t confused with this statement, which often comes off as dismissive and skeptical.
‘INTERESTING’
“Interesting” is usually a positive descriptor, but it can be very telling when it’s the only word you can think of to describe something.
Praising someone’s “interesting look” or saying they made an “interesting” decorating choice could raise the question of whether you actually liked the moves, or whether they simply made you think.
‘PAL’
“Pal” may be a synonym for friend, but when two strangers say it, they almost always mean it sarcastically.
