- Sometimes you’re just not ready to be in a relationship, and that’s okay.
- Signs that you should just be single include not being happy with yourself, and not wanting to commit.
A good relationship can be hard to find. It’s not all matchmakers, blind dates, and love at first sight. In fact, love at first sight probably doesn’t actually exist.
The truth is, despite societal pressures, you might not necessarily be ready to find “the one,” fall in love, or even go on a date.
Keep scrolling for eight signs that a relationship just isn’t right for you at the moment.
YOU SIMPLY DON’T WANT TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Sounds like a no-brainer, but sometimes we ignore our instincts.
If you know yourself and know that you’re not ready or not willing to be in a relationship then why be in one? Yes, maybe you like a person a lot, but if you can’t give the relationship 100% or you don’t feel as though a relationship is possible right now, then you owe it to yourself – and others – to not get involved.
You’re not alone if you want to be single. According to a 2014 Pew Research report, a record number of Americans have never been married.
Your reasons for not wanting to be in a relationship – no matter what they are – are valid, so you can honor them by listening to your gut and skipping the dating game for now.
YOU WANT TO FOCUS ON OTHER ASPECTS OF YOUR LIFE.
Work might be getting hectic or school could be taking up all of your extra time. Whatever the reason, you might not be feeling the need – or you might not have the energy – to focus on dating.
Sometimes we ignore these needs and enter into a relationship anyway. But if other aspects of your life are constantly taking priority over your significant other, your relationship will suffer. In fact, studies show that even the simple use of a smartphone could be ruining a relationship.
If you can’t give enough attention and validation to make another person feel as though the relationship is reciprocal, you might want wait until you have enough time and energy to devote to a partner.
YOU’RE NOT HAPPY WITH YOURSELF.
We all have things we’d like to change about ourselves and insecurities to work on, but to quote RuPaul, “if you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?”
Your self-esteem (or lack thereof) can take a major toll on your relationship. In fact, according to Everyday Health, partners with low self-esteem were “more likely to view their relationship in black-and-white terms: as all good or all bad,” which led to some deep issues in communication and perception.
Nobody’s perfect. If you want to work on yourself, then it’s probably best to focus on solely that for how ever long you think you need to.
YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY.
Communication isn’t easy. Often, relationships are filled with so much emotion and so many feelings that it can be difficult for everyone to get their point across and feel both heard and understood.
According to Psychology Today, one of the most detrimental behaviors in a relationship is “having angry reactions to feedback instead of being open to it.”
If you don’t feel as though you can listen and make compromises, it’s probably a good idea to focus on developing, learning, and growing in ways that help you become a better communicator.
YOU’RE STILL NOT OVER YOUR LAST RELATIONSHIP.
Getting over a previous relationship takes time. It can be painful and hold you back, but in the end, a breakup can also be a lesson.
“People will go through long periods after they’ve been dumped or after they dumped somebody asking, ‘Why did I do this? What did I lose? What did I gain?'” Helen Fisher, chief scientific advisor of Match.com, told HuffPost.
“The brain really does remember this, and it remembers this forever. You remember the ones that got away. It’s entirely possible that the brain is built that way so that you can remember why it didn’t work so that you can do it better the next time.”
If you’re still in the middle of recovering from a breakup, you might not be ready to move forward. Take time to learn the lessons, and then pursue future relationships as you’re comfortable.
YOU’RE NOT SURE IF THE PERSON YOU’RE WITH IS THE RIGHT PERSON FOR A RELATIONSHIP.
It’s easy to get swept up in what feels like love or at least something close to it. But those feelings aren’t always accurate.
If you’re not sure, don’t rush it. The best thing you can do is give it time. You can ask questions, check the signs, and even take a cue from your body’s physical ways of telling you that you might be falling for someone. Entering into a relationship doesn’t have to be instant or cosmic.
Eventually, when you’re ready and they’re the right person, you’ll know.
YOU CAN’T FULLY COMMIT.
If you’re the kind of person who runs away at the mere mention of being called someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend, that’s totally fine, but you shouldn’t just ignore that response.
According to GoodTherapy.org, “In a romantic relationship, commitment issues may prompt one or both partners to reject the opportunity to pursue a more stable, intimate arrangement, such as moving in together or getting married.” Your phobia could be holding you back.
For healthy relationships, commitment is key on several levels, according to a study from the University of Arkansas. So if you’re not ready to dedicate yourself to someone else, you’re probably not ready for a relationship.
YOU’RE FEELING PRESSURE TO COMMIT.
Maybe you’re personally not scared of commitment, but you’re feeling the pressure to commit from various sources. This might be family members asking if or when you’re going to date someone, or it might come from your own inner voice.
Either way, entering a relationship solely to quell the fear of being alone and silence other people’s voices most likely won’t lead to a lasting, serious relationship.
Entering a relationship because of outward and/or inward pressures is not only unfair to a person who may genuinely have feelings for you, but it’s also unhealthy for you.
“It’s important that we regard being single as a lifestyle choice which may change at any time and avoid making judgments about people’s relationship status,” said Chris Sherwood, the chief executive at Relate, told Business Insider. “Unnecessary pressure from friends, family, and society can lead people to start a relationship before they’re ready or understand what they want from it.”
