There are few things like knowing that the person you’re with just wants to be with you. When you feel solid and reassured by the level of love and communication in your relationship. There’s no worry or stress about gettingghostedorcheatingand your only worry about your partner is whether or not they’ve noticed that you’re actively building and expanding yourweddingboard on Pinterest.
But sometimes, things take a turn and all of that reassurance and security can go out the door. If something seems off, that’s an issue. Your significant other is supposed to love you and make that clear with communication and action. You shouldn’t be up at night wondering if your partner actually likes you or you wasted all of those highly-inspired pins on the wrong person.
THEY DON’T ASK ABOUT YOU OR YOUR LIFE.
Not only is this impolite, it’s also a pretty clear, straightforward sign that someone’s not really feeling you.
Your significant other should want to know how you’re doing. They should ask youquestions, maybe about your family, your job, or your beliefs, being sure to listen just as much as they speak. They don’t have to be Barbara Walters, but they should maintain a genuine interest in getting to know you.
If you think they’re at a loss for words, you can always spur the conversation or turn it into some sort of game. The key is interest, not so much the content or the topic. Seriously, it can be something that seems really boring, but asresearchhas pointed out, “couples build intimacy through hundreds of very ordinary, mundane moments in which they attempt to make emotional connections.” You’ve got to build somehow, even if it is just by asking someone’s favorite color.
THEY AVOID SPENDING TIME WITH YOU.
Having some alone time is great. We all need a little bit of time to ourselves, but it shouldn’t feel as though you’re the only one in your relationship.
Researchhas found that the more time couples spend together, the happier they are. If your significant other either refuses to spend time with you or seems unhappy when you do spend time together, that’s a big red flag.
THEY HAVE NO INTEREST IN MEETING OR HANGING OUT WITH YOUR FAMILY OR FRIENDS, AND DON’T WANT YOU TO MEET THEIRS.
If you want them to meet your family or hang out with you and your friends on a Friday night and they refuse, they’re probably not in it for the long haul.
“If your partner doesn’t introduce you to friends or family – and it’s been six to 12 months or more of dating, they’re manipulating your perception of them,” relationship expert April MasinitoldINSIDER. “One of the best ways to get to know someone is to meet the people they’re close to …”
THEY DON’T WANT TO BE INTIMATE WITH YOU.
Obviously, sex should never be a requirement. Your partner might not be in the mood, they might want to wait, your sex drives aremismatched, or there might be a myriad of scenarios holding them back from getting intimate physically, none of which are bad or necessarily negative. That said, your partner should be willing to communicate their wants, desires, or their differences from you in the bedroom.
You should also be willing to understand and communicate that intimacy isn’t just sex or heading to the bedroom.Intimacy without intercoursecan mean having a deep talk, holding hands, going on fun dates, being physically close to one another, and opening up about your feelings.
THEY ONLY WANT TO BE INTIMATE WITH YOU.
Deep talks? No. Going to the movies? Let’s just stay in bed. Out to dinner? Let’s sneak off to the bathroom.
If the only thing your significant other wants to do is have sex then you have a problem. Though sexual chemistry and attraction are necessary for a lot of relationships, if your partner can’t get anything accomplished beyond the bedroom, that’s an issue.
AsPsychologyToday.compointed out, you shouldn’t have to feel as though sex is the only way to be connected with someone or a quid pro quo situation. That’s not healthy.
THEY DISAPPEAR OR GHOST YOU FOR PERIODS OF TIME.
Reliability is one of the keys to trustworthiness, a major building block of a successful relationship, according toForbes. A reliable partner won’t ignore your texts, go without talking to you for days or leave you wondering if they’ll show up, let alone have your back.
If your partner can’t be trusted to send a text or check in every now and then, they might have one foot out the door. They don’t need to be constantly alerting you, but if you need them or you can’t locate them for long periods, that just might mean that you can’t trust them with your feelings.
THEY WON’T COMMIT OR EVEN DISCUSS THE FUTURE.
As the old saying goes, labels are for soup cans. That’s true, but if you started a relationship with the goal of becoming a couple, including the dreaded labels like “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” or “wife” or “husband,” and communicated that much from the start, then your significant other should be ready to at least discuss why or why not they want to be labeled as such.
If they can’t sit through a conversation about their intentions and goals, it might mean that they’re not willing to commit to you or they don’t envision the same kind of future that you do. This is totally fine, but you shouldn’t be planning a future around someone who doesn’t want a similar one, especially because,according to science, the clock is ticking.
THEY NO LONGER INCLUDE YOU IN THEIR FUTURE PLANS.
Maybe they’re willing to discuss the future, but when they do, you’re not included. This could mean that you’re dreaming of a wedding day with them as your other half … and they’re just dreaming of a wedding. The end.
If you’re hoping to build something long-term, it’s important that you plan a little bit together or be willing to cooperate and remain flexible. If your partner discusses their own future and doesn’t imagine you as part of it then they’re probably not planning on building a future with you. This could mean marriage, kids, or even just your bucket list.
“Sharing bucket lists, and making them together, is a great way to get to know each other,” Masini toldINSIDER. “When your bucket lists are compatible, and you can see yourself supporting your partner’s bucket list wishes, and you see them supporting yours, you’re in a relationship that can go the distance. But, if you and your partner think each others’ bucket list wishes are crazy and don’t have a place in the relationship – then this isn’t ‘the one.'”
THEY JUST DON’T RESPECT YOU.
No matter who you are, you deserve to be with someone who thinks the very best of you and who treats you as such.
According toPsychology Today, respect may be even more crucial in relationships than love. This means that your partner doesn’t have to necessarily be in love with you at the moment, but they should at least, have respect for you.
If they make you feel taken for granted, belittle you, or question your work ethic, that’s disrespectful and that’s not who you want to spend your time with. In the end, if they’re not into you enough to give you the decency of respect, they shouldn’t occupy your time.
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