With a New Year, comes the start of resolutions – but for others, it’s the end on their marriage.
Lawyers around the world have dubbed January as the prime break-up period for relationships due to the soaring numbers of unhappy couples splitting after the festive break.
With January 8 marked as ‘Divorce Day’, the date falls on a Monday – meaning the ‘reality sinks in’ for Australians returning to work for the first time this year.
Here, Sydney sexologist Dr Nikki Goldstein explains why January has become popular for breaking up – as she reveals her tips to divorce-proof your marriage.
Speaking to Daily Mail Australia, the relationship expert said couples were waiting to call it quits in the New Year for the sake of their children.
‘You’re keeping it together for the children because the idea of breaking up before Christmas or close to the holidays is not really appealing,’ she said.
‘So you try to work on your relationship for your family but you keep sweeping issues under the rug and then unnecessary stress builds up.’
She said couples struggling with their relationships over the holidays would head into January already at crisis point following existing tensions.
‘You might go on holidays to relax but then reality sinks in on January 8,’ she said.
‘Either you’re a couple who have a big hug after realising you’re still there for each other or you’ve been holding on to things for so long and you realise it’s the New Year – it’s all about me so I’ll do what’s right for me.’
She explained there were many factors on why marriages were on the rocks, including life stress, communication breakdown and lack of intimacy.
Dr Goldstein said divorce is no longer seen as a social taboo.
‘Divorce has become more common so it’s less of a taboo,’ Dr Goldstein said.
‘There are lots of celebrities getting divorced left, right and centre. People have lost the art of working on a relationship.’
But for couples who want to save their marriages, Dr Goldstein said communication is key.
‘Continue to communicate,’ she said.
‘Don’t accuse them, like “you made me feel this way”. If you accuse them, it could be overwhelming for the other person instead of looking at the situation.
‘If you do want to hold onto the relationship, own up to how you’re feeling with your emotions, “I’m feeling unhappy or I’m stressed in this relationship but I’d like to work on this”. If the other person feels the same way, get counselling.
‘If you’re both unhappy and don’t want to be in that marriage anymore, be honest and try to look at an exit strategy.’
Dr Goldstein said the biggest concern in a marriage breakdown was children.
‘If children are involved, remain focus on their best interest,’ she explained.
‘The biggest mistake we hear constantly are parents who are mourning the loss of their relationships but there are anger and hatred between them.
‘Find a way outside the roles of parents, get support network, speak to friends and reach out to parenting resources.
‘Try not to go to court – always keep it out of the legal system because it’s best for your children too – make sure your kids best interests are thought about.’
She said ‘time’ was the best way to come to terms with a divorce – as she revealed how you can go about preparing yourselves to fall in love again.
‘Give yourself time to mourn the loss of your relationship, give yourself some time to be a hot mess and deal with whatever issues you may have,’ she said.
‘It’s a sad time, but at some point, you need to know how you’re going to pick yourself up and move on.
‘You also need to learn the breakdown of your relationship. Did I choose the wrong person? Was I not following my heart? Or did I stop communicating with my partner?
‘Don’t carry your mistakes or behaviours into another relationship.’
