Are you the type of person who keeps falling for the same type of guy over and over again, thinking it’s going to be different this time? You’ve dated so many people, and every time it’s always the same. All you want is to is find the right guy.
Each time you start out hopeful, but now you’re just left wondering what might be wrong with you, since you can’t seem to get it right — despite recognizing your past mistakes in searching for love.
But picking guys that are wrong for you doesn’t mean that you’re “broken” or that you’re not capable of being in a happy relationship. What it does mean is that there are factors in your life and in yourself that you’re not taking into consideration when choosing a new partner or even a new spouse.
In this YourTango Expert video, author, dating coach Sheila Paxton explains that there’s nothing wrong with you… you just have a broken “picker.”
What exactly does she mean by this? She means that you’re choosing men based on a pre-determined set of criteria in your own head — criteria that isn’t serving you.
This entails what sorts of things are important to you or not important to you in a partner. Things that are deal-breakers or things that are must-haves. These can range from his hair color to how much money your new beau makes at his job. Whether he has kids or if he’s a cat or dog person.
These decisions are important when choosing a potential partner. But how many of these things have you really sat down and thought about before choosing someone new?
If you’re dating the wrong kind of men over and over again, then you’re making your decision on a new person based on a system of beliefs, thoughts, or requirements that clearly aren’t right for you.
In fact, these requirements have even failed you in past relationships — possibly more than three or four times — so it’s time to make a change.
To get started, you must first think about choosing the right man for you like taking a test. How well will you do if you only answer a couple of questions on that quiz and then just leave the rest blank? Or worse, just pick things at random and hope for the best?
If you’re not really paying attention to the questions, you’ll never know what answer you really need to put there.
What habits of yours do you need to take into consideration before beginning a new relationship? What kind of guy are you hoping for versus the kind that you’re actually getting? There are important criteria for picking the man that you need that go beyond just a general attraction to someone.
So, how do you change your picking pattern and realign your “picker” when it comes to finding your next date?
“With a gentle eye,” suggests Sheila, “start to see your patterns and why you pick people who may not be the best for you.” Becoming conscious of your picking patterns is the most important first step you can take.
