The Holiday is one of THE best Christmas movies. That is a fact. And it is also a well-known fact that the fewer questions you ask while watching Christmas movies, the better. Because they rarely make any logical sense. But…
BUT. Watching The Holiday for roughly the 11th time this weekend, I couldn’t help but realise something. The timeline in this movie makes absolutely no sense. At all.
So I couldn’t help myself. I am sorry. I decided it was time to blow this sham of a timeline wide open through some hard-hitting investigative journalism. Let’s do this.
FRIDAY 22nd DECEMBER?
Iris’s boss: ‘Now, we’re not officially closed, as you very well know. But we are going to try and get by this week with a smaller-than-normal staff.’
Iris’s office is closing for Christmas and she works at a broadsheet newspaper. We all know that the news never sleeps. So we can safely assume this must be the Friday before Christmas at the earliest, right? In 2006, the year The Holiday was released, this would have been Friday 22nd.
Oh and here’s a handy calendar. Trust me this will come in useful later. (By which I mean you will realise that looking at this calendar is totally pointless.)
EARLY DECEMBER / LATE NOVEMBER
Amanda: ‘And make “Christmas Day” twice as big… but try it in a red. Like a happy red, not like a Scorsese red.’
Wait, so they’re working on the trailer for a movie that comes out on Christmas Day, on 22nd December? I mean this seems quite late. More likely this would happen in early December, surely?
Anyway, for argument’s sake, let’s stick with Friday 22nd…
Amanda Googles ‘vacation spots’, gets chatting to Iris and the wheels are in motion.
SATURDAY 23rd DECEMBER
So both women are on a plane by 11am the following morning, with Iris landing in LA earlier that morning EST and Amanda landing in London Saturday night GMT.
Graham has been out for a Saturday night booze-up and lands on Amanda’s door at 1am.
Over in LA it’s 5pm and Iris’s jet lag is catching up with her, so she goes to sleep.
SUNDAY 24TH DECEMBER – CHRISTMAS EVE
Wait, no… it’s not Christmas Eve yet, so scrap every date mentioned so far. Iris’s boss must be the chillest newspaper editor ever, letting the paper close roughly a week before actual Christmas Day.
A RANDOM DAY NEAR CHRISTMAS
Graham has stayed over but Amanda still has her sights set on returning to LA. Yes, not even sex with Jude Law could keep her here.
Except WAIT, she changes her mind at the airport and heads to the pub to meet Graham. She gets hammered, he stays over. All of the drunken LOLs.
THE NEXT DAY
Yes, it’s THAT scene. Lunch at a country house, frolics through the hotel garden, total japes, etc. Oh and the moment that was the catalyst for this whole feature, in which Amanda says things are getting too serious as Graham drops her home:
Amanda: ‘Graham, l’m leaving in nine days. And that makes this complicated. And l’m not sure I can handle complicated right now.’
Okay, but wait. Later, she makes it very clear she wasn’t originally even going to stay until New Year’s Eve. And 9 days back from the 30th December makes today THE 21ST OF DECEMBER. At the latest.
THURSDAY 21ST DECEMBER (?) continued:
Meanwhile, Iris is throwing a Hanukkah party. Hanukkah changes every year, but is usually mid-December. In 2006, when the movie was made, it started on Friday, 15th December and ended in the evening of Saturday, 23rd December. So this just about makes sense.
Later that night, Amanda realises she’s been a FOOL. Who cares if she is leaving in 9 days, because time is clearly just a vague concept in this movie, so get your butt round to Graham’s.
Mr Napkinhead, etc ensues. Amanda presumably goes home, because she says “maybe another time” to Sophie’s sleepover suggestion.
FRIDAY 22ND DECEMBER
Iris goes round to Arthur’s and tries to persuade him that he should do his ‘An Evening With…’ event. She has the awkward phone chat with Graham and Amanda where Graham gets cut off. At this point both stories are still running at the same time, simultaneously.
Then Miles calls, asking what Iris is up to on Christmas Eve. So is tonight Christmas Eve? I thought it was the 22nd? Who knows.
SOME TIME LATER / POSSIBLY THE SAME DAY / WHO EVEN NEEDS WATCHES OR CALENDARS?
Miles and Iris are in Blockbuster picking out some new movies.
Miles sees Maggie cheating on him. Sadness. They return to Iris/Amanda’s house.
Miles: ‘I’m making you some fettuccine. It is Christmas Eve, and we are going to sit out on that patio… gonna make ourselves a little fire, pop some bubbly… and we are gonna celebrate being young and being alive. You with me, Simpkins?’
Oh okay, so NOW it’s Christmas Eve. For sure.
CHRISTMAS EVE
Cut to Amanda and Graham post-sex.
So wait, has Graham left his children home alone on Christmas Eve to have sex with some American woman he met a few days ago? GRAHAM WHAT THE HELL?
Amanda: ‘Or maybe we should just… realise that what we’ve had these past few weeks has been perfect.’
WEEKS? Wait, how long have you been in the UK for?
Amanda: ‘Maybe the fact that l’m leaving in 8 hours…’
Okay now I really have no idea what is going on. I thought you were leaving in 9 days? So you landed on 16th? And you are leaving on Christmas Day?! Who does that?
A DAY THAT HAPPENED SOME TIME BETWEEN CHRISTMAS EVE AND NEW YEAR’S EVE
Who knows when this is. All I know is that Miles and Iris are getting sushi and Arthur’s event is tonight. Because it’s super easy to get the biggest names in Hollywood together between Christmas and New Year for an event that has been organised in roughly four days?
Or is it four weeks? I couldn’t tell you at this point.
Is this Christmas Day? What even is Christmas Day, really?
Jasper turns up to see Iris. Appears to have left his fiancé the minute he’d shovelled some Christmas Day turkey in his mouth so he could make the 12 hour flight.
Meanwhile, Amanda is leaving to fly home from London to LA, possibly on Christmas Day. Except she doesn’t, because she cries and runs back into Jude Law’s arms.
NEW YEAR’S EVE
Everyone is together. I can’t tell you when or how, but I have my sneaking suspicions this party is in fact taking place in some kind of space time continuum.
Still, what a movie.
