Ask yourself the following questions before putting all of your trust in a new relationship.
Trust is one of the most valuable emotions we have. While you don’t want to be completely guarded all the time, placing your trust in someone too soon makes it easy to get hurt.
For some people, though, it’s biologically impossible to distrust others. People with the rare genetic disorder Williams Syndrome suffer from an imbalance of oxytocin, a hormone that the brain generates after perceiving a non-threatening situation.
Although the story focused primarily on children’s trust in strangers and on society’s trust in the government, it inspired the question of how we perceive the trustworthiness of desirable strangers. When we date someone new, how do we gauge their trustworthiness? How do we even know that our “trust radar” is functioning properly?
Unfortunately, we often come to question a partner’s trustworthiness after a relationship where trust was broken. Thankfully, there are ways to prevent that from happening again — without becoming a total neurotic.
The next time you’re considering putting your heart on the line, we suggest you simply ask yourself the following questions:
1. How long have I known this person?
If you’re having trouble trusting the guy you’ve known for five years, but only recently have started to date, ask yourself why. Conversely, if you don’t fully trust the guy you really like, but met only a month ago, you probably have a healthy balance of openness and discernment.
2. How do I know this person?
Someone you met through a friend may be more trustworthy than a stranger you met at a club two weekends prior.
3. Do I know this person’s relationship track record?
What kind of women does he typically date? Why and how did his last relationship end?
4. How much does he open up during conversations?
Sure, there are guys out there who LOVE talking about themselves, but a guy who refuses to talk about his life or his feelings reveals something he’s compelled to hide — be in a secret wife and family, or more likely, a shy personality or his own dose of trust issues.
5. How does he conduct himself online?
Is his online persona in line with his offline persona?
6. How well does this person keep in touch?
If you’re dating exclusively, do you feel he maintains adequate contact with you? Does he respond to texts in a timely fashion? Does he tell you his plans?
7. Has this person been open with me in his expectations for the relationship?
Keep in mind that untrustworthy partners don’t always have the intention to toy with your heart. Oftentimes, they just don’t know what they want. Either way, don’t let yourself be strung along while they try to make up their minds.
There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. While there are general guidelines for trustworthiness, every relationship is different, and it really boils down to what you have trouble trusting in and what you don’t. On the flip side, we can’t emphasize enough how important it is that you know your partner’s specific points of trust and distrust so that you can be sure to honor them the way you’d like your own insecure tendencies to be respected.
