All hail wedded bliss…give or take a few totally normal fights in the first year. Sure, you’ve dated for years (and maybe even lived together) ahead of getting hitched, but that doesn’t mean you’ve worked out all the kinks. Love is a work-in-progress, after all. And these five types of fights add value to your relationship.
A FIGHT ABOUT CLEANLINESS
Maybe you moved into a new home. Maybe his (or her) annoying habits—like leaving a wet towel on the floor after a shower—have caused you to reach a breaking point. Whatever the issue, the solution is clear: communicate. If you don’t speak up about the cleaning-related grievances that are irking you, they’ll fester. Simultaneously, try to avoid pointing out problems in the moment. (Ugh, nagging is the worst.) Instead, discuss the problem when you’ve got some distance from it. Say, on your walk to work or when you’re chilling on the weekend.
A FIGHT ABOUT FINANCES
The bottom line: Marriage is a merger. And even if you’re keeping your money separate, there are things that will need to be worked out—everything from a name change and updating credit cards to developing a long-term savings strategy that feels more cohesive than your dating days. Like your arguments about cleaning, make sure to set aside regular times to delve into the nitty-gritty details when you’re not already worked up. (The worst fights occur when you’re feeling impatient.) Setting aside time to strategize together—and taking the time to listen intently to each other’s perspectives—can alleviate most of the stress.
A FIGHT ABOUT YOUR IN-LAWS
Sure, they’re an extension of your partner, so you love them the most. But that doesn’t mean they don’t get on your nerves. (Hey, your family has their quirks, so it goes both ways.) Just be sure the two of you stand united and can operate as a team when issues—or unsolicited comments—come up. And if one of you feels defensive, always keep the fact that you’re a twosome now top of mind.
A FIGHT ABOUT SEX
He’s tired. You’re tired. We’re all tired. Again: Communicate, communicate, communicate. The worst thing in the world is to feel like you’re in the dark on relationship issues that matter most to your spouse. As long as you’re both receptive to each other’s feelings—and don’t bring intimacy-related issues up when you’re actually in the bedroom—resolving this problem shouldn’t take more than an honest (and solution-focused) conversation.
A FIGHT ABOUT TOGETHERNESS
The months leading up to your wedding were tied to one thing: unity. Now, the honeymoon is literally over and the real world (aka a busy workload and social engagements unrelated to your coupledom) is your number-one priority again. Just be sure you make it a routine to connect throughout the week for the little things like watching The Handmaid’s Tale or blocking out nights for dinner at the table together. With a million demands on our time, connectivity IRL takes work.
