Sex is one of the things we are constantly learning.
Learning how to do new things, learning exactly what out partner wants – but what happens if your new partner isn’t exactly vocal about what they want in bed?
Cosmopolitan Magazine recently asked some men about the biggest lessons women have taught them in bed – here are the top seven:
1. Communication is key
“I’ve learned it’s better to open up the conversation and be up front about wants, needs, and no-nos when starting to have sex with someone. And to listen to theirs too instead of just having really boring sex for a while, and then slowly branching out or just trying something in the moment and potentially having it be met negatively.” — Jake, 28
2. Slow and steady wins the climax
‘It’s a marathon, not a sprint.’ That’s easily the most important thing I’ve learned from a woman. Not that going fast and hard is bad, necessarily, but that giving it 100% porn star-jackhammer-style for five minutes isn’t the way to do it.” — Aaron, 28
3. Never, ever skip foreplay
“The most important thing I learned from a partner… early on in my sex life, mind you… was the importance of foreplay, and that it can be just as good or even better than sex.” — Pete, 28
4. The best sex is safe sex
“This is embarrassing, but the importance of safe sex. I mean, maybe ‘embarrassing’ isn’t the right word. But when you’re young, I think a lot of people don’t think about the seriousness of STIs.
“My first serious girlfriend, the one I lost my virginity to, was religious about safe sex. She made sure we always had a condom no matter what. She really drilled that into my head and it’s a habit I picked up. And it’s pretty much saved my life at least once.” —Greg, 28
5. It’s all about the rhythm
“I learned the rhythm of sex. I’m not sure how else to describe that concept. But sex has a rhythm to it and it’s not something you can learn from masturbating or watching porn or… reading sex advice. I think it’s the same kind of thing where like, you could watch golf on TV for hundreds of hours, but it’s not going to help your swing, not really. There are a lot of subtleties you just can’t learn without having sex.” — Brian, 27
6. Surprise! The female orgasm is complicated
“The female orgasm is really shocking to me. Like, guys spend a few years learning how to crank it and it’s just… easy. The female orgasm seems vastly more complicated, and coming to terms with the idea that you can’t force it was very important for a woman to explain to me.” — Jesse, 25
7. Not every woman wants the same thing
“Not being afraid to take charge. That was a big one. It’s not so much that I was afraid to take charge. I just assumed no women would be into that; I thought I was being polite. But this one woman was (and I know it’s a stereotype) this, like, quiet, polite librarian-type. And then in bed she really wanted me to do crazy stuff. It opened my eyes a lot. People want all different things.” — Jim, 27
