Sadly, many are oblivious to any red flags of an unhealthy relationship — or worse, in denial. They can be subtle enough to dust under the rug as “rough patches” or as clear as day. Regardless, no one should ever settle for anything less than a loving and respectful partnership.
It’s easy to lose yourself when your love for somebody else consumes your entire being. But you have to remember that you can still show how much you care without compromising any part of you. If any of the 30 signs of a toxic relationship ahead apply to you, it’s time to let go — you’ll only regret it down the road if you stay.
1 You have to ask permission.
It’s nice to consider your partner’s thoughts and feelings when making decisions, but it shouldn’t be only one of you who can give the go ahead. You should have full freedom to do what you want.
2 You’re emotionally drained constantly.
If all your energy is being put toward arguing or trying to keep your SO satisfied, that’s a problem. A healthy relationship is happy and fulfilling.
3 You can’t fully be yourself.
You should never have to suppress certain parts of you to make your SO accept you. If they can’t love all of you, then they sure as hell don’t deserve you.
4 You’ll do whatever it takes to avoid fights.
You might think you’re helping your relationship by letting things go, but not addressing the issues as they appear will have consequences later. The fear of getting broken up with or getting into another argument isn’t reason enough to be passive.
5 Your SO makes you feel bad about yourself.
A little jab here and a condescending tone there are absolutely unacceptable. If your partner loves you as much as they claim they do, they would never put you down in any way.
6 You fight often.
Even the happiest of couples have their moments, but if it’s a daily war zone, how happy can you two really be? Don’t mistake fighting for passion.
7 You dwell on the past instead of moving forward.
Your relationship will be at a standstill if previous issues are constantly being resurfaced. You won’t be able to grow as a couple if you’re stuck in relationships past. It’s easy to bring up an already-resolved problem in the heat of the moment, but don’t let it become ammunition — or else your SO can use it to get their way.
8 Your work life is being affected.
Staying in contact with each other throughout the day can have its benefits, but to a certain extent. Constant check-ups are a sign of a distrust, and fighting via text disturbs productivity at work. Being unable to separate your personal life and professional life ruins your focus and mood.
9 It’s clear your relationship is imbalanced.
In a healthy relationship, no single person should have complete control or say. A partnership is just that — a partnership.
10 You have to hide things from your partner.
You know what will set them off, but you shouldn’t have to lie or sneak around to avoid upsetting them. Trust is the foundation of a successful relationship and you’re bound for bigger trouble if they find out you’ve been keeping things.
11 You’re always fearful you’re doing something wrong.
That constant anxiety of not knowing the state of your relationship can be debilitating. “Is he/she mad at me?” “What did I do this time?” These are not questions that one should have to worry about in a healthy partnership.
12 You start questioning your own self-worth.
No one should ever make you feel like you’re anything less or unworthy. A caring partner should remind you of how much you mean to them and how amazing you are, even if you don’t require the reminders.
13 You’ve felt unsafe at any point.
Regardless of it being in the heat of the moment or a “one-time thing,” you should never, ever feel or be threatened.
14 Your own needs are on the back burner.
Your relationship should not revolve around one person. Your wants and needs are equally as important and you should feel comfortable voicing them. If your SO is unwilling to compromise, you’re in a dictatorship.
15 You bring out the worst in each other.
Two people in a relationship should inspire each other to be their best selves. They shouldn’t act as a trigger for the other even when they do know exactly which buttons to push. You’ll never be completely happy together if your dark halves often come out.
16 You’re too forgiving.
It’s easy to let things go if your SO who rarely shows affection actually does show affection. But it can become a cycle of repeated behavior and make them think they can get away with anything.
17 You find relief in the thought of breaking up.
Sure, it may sound nice to have some space between the two of you now and then. But if being without your partner completely even sounds like a better choice, run with it.
18 You’re afraid to speak up.
It’s a major problem if you don’t have a say in your relationship. If having an opinion is enough to spark a fight, you are not in a good place.
19 Your SO gives you ultimatums.
The threat of breaking up with you is a manipulative way for one to maintain control — don’t fall for it. It means they’re insecure and have no other means to stay in power.
20 Your relationship feels like a constant roller coaster.
Some stay in an unhealthy relationship because it never gets boring. Without being aware of it, they might even find a thrill in always being kept on their toes. But in order for a couple to happily survive, there needs to be stability.
21 There’s no trust.
Regardless of how strong a relationship is, a lack of trust will be its downfall. The power of doubt can weaken a foundation and easily cloud any of the positive aspects. Insecurity may result in the inability to trust one’s partner, and in turn cause them to become overcontrolling.
22 You make excuses for your partner.
You’ll want to come to your SO’s defense because you care about them and, as much as you hate to admit, because you care about what others think about your relationship. It’s not your responsibility, however, to justify their misbehaviors.
23 People tell you you’re not yourself.
Your friends and family will probably notice any changes in you before you do. There can be shifts in your mood, personality, or even deeper traits uncharacteristically you that you may be completely blind to. Your SO can rub off on you after spending a lot of time together, but sometimes it may be for the worse.
24 Your partner puts the blame on you a lot.
It’s exhausting and unfair to always have to take the fall for any bumps in your relationship. If your SO can’t take responsibility for their mistakes, it’s not your job to fix it all. Pointing the finger is easier than owning up to it.
25 You change your opinions to fit theirs.
When one person has so much influence in the relationship, their values and opinions will undoubtedly shape yours. If your partner imposes their beliefs on you rather than respecting your own, you might even start thinking in the same way and become convinced that you’re in the wrong.
26 Your social life has taken a downturn.
A healthy relationship has a balance of time spent together and apart. Investing all your energy into your SO can make you ignore everyone else and push loved ones out of your life.
27 You feel like you’re stuck.
The fear of being alone or being unable to find someone better than your current partner can be paralyzing. You can’t imagine a life without them, even if that life may not be ideal.
28 There’s more negativity than positivity.
A relationship should be easy and fun. When it’s a constant uphill battle, the occasional good moments might make it seem like it’s worth staying when, in reality, it’s not worth any more effort.
29 There’s a lack of respect.
Any partnership should have mutual respect, period. If they’re a decent human being, they will treat you with the utmost respect without question. Never tolerate anything less.
30 You can picture yourself happier.
You probably could have skipped all the signs before this last one to answer the question of whether you should get out of your relationship. At the end of the day, nothing else matters if you’re unhappy with someone else. If you don’t see improvement and you feel like you deserve more, then what are you waiting for?
