It’s not your imagination. Sex does change as you get older. With the decrease in estrogen that comes with menopause comes a reduction in sensation, particularly in the vagina, clitoris, and perineal area. This decreased sensitivity can affect how easily you become aroused and how easily you achieve orgasm. The vaginal walls may become less elastic, thinner, and drier.
You may also feel less sexy, with the result that you feel less like having sex and less adventurous in the bedroom. I can’t over-stress the importance that self-image plays in our understanding of ourselves as sexual beings. This is especially true for women. Although some older women say that they’ve never been so relaxed or felt so liberated about sex, we’re presented with tragically few images of older women as sexy or desirable—with the result that sex can feel like a party you’re no longer invited to.
There are a few things you can do to ensure that you continue to feel sexy and desirable.
Work out
Strength training has many physical benefits (muscle strength and an increase in bone density, to name two), but it may also help our sex lives as well. The first benefit is in how you see yourself (so follow these steps to stay active as you age). When you’re fit and strong, you feel better about yourself because you look better and because your body is performing better. Strength training may also increase testosterone levels, which can naturally boost your sex drive.
Eat healthily
Many women gain weight with the onset of menopause. It’s worth it to stay vigilant against this, and not simply for aesthetic reasons. Being overweight is linked to a host of medical problems, including hypertension, heart disease, diabetes, and joint problems—all of which can, in turn, interfere with a happy sex life. If you make an effort to stay at a healthy weight, you’ll not only look better (and feel sexier), but you’ll stick around longer to collect the rewards.
Stay hydrated
One of the sexual problems older women report is a lack of lubrication. Staying well hydrated by drinking lots of liquids will help. I do recommend that my patients supplement with artificial lubricant if moisture is a problem. (These range in texture and feel; it may behoove you to experiment with brands until you find one that feels “natural” to you and your partner.)
Talk to your partner
Let him know what’s going on! The same things that have made you very happy in the past may not work anymore; you may need more stimulation now or a different kind or more time. It will certainly make him feel better when he understands that you’re less sensitive because of changes in your hormone level, not because you’re less attracted to him or because he’s “lost his touch.” And the two of you can experiment together to find satisfying solutions.
