Do you ever get that feeling that something’s not right in your relationship with your family and friends, but you just can’t figure out why? We’d like to share with you a technique designed by Marilyn Murray that can help create strong and healthy relationships between yourself and other people.
We share with you a simple way to deal with even the most complicated situations.
To begin with, draw this template:
Place everything important to you inside the circles. You need look at your life and assign one item to each circle. Depending on the degree of significance, there can be other people, things, work, or hobbies. The most important thing belongs in the first circle, the least important in the seventh.
Below is an example of what your circle should look like:
- 1st circle, central: only you should be here. If there is somebody else with you or instead of you, that means there is too much of you in this person’s life and to much of them in yours. This can be harmful for your mental and physical health and development.
- 2nd circle: This is where your spouse or loved one should be, and nobody else. This relationship is the closest in emotional, physical, and spiritual aspects. If you are not in a relationship, this circle should remain empty.
- 3rd circle: Here you should place your children that are under the age of 18 and living with you. You can be open to them and not pretend to be somebody you aren’t. You shouldn’t however fill in this circle with children that have become adults, so you don’t interfere with them building their own lives.
- 4th circle: That’s a place for your grown children, parents. These are people you can share your thoughts and feelings with, those who make you feel calm and safe.
- 5th, 6th, and 7th circles: These are for your relatives, friends, work, hobbies, pets, and many other things your life is filled with.
Here is a variant often seen among women:
What can this circle tell us?
First of all it shows that the relationship is co-dependent: the woman is devoting too much of her time to her husband, consequently there isn’t any left for herself.
If their child is already an adult and lives on his or her own, then chances are they are where the husband should have been. In this case the child will either live with parents forever or try to start their own family as fast as possible just to escape from home.
Work is also misplaced here, as it takes the circle meant for the child. This usually leads to the couple having no children at all, or depriving them of attention in favor of work.
Mom is where she belongs, no problem here.
A common variant among men:
The man is too committed to his job and forgets about his family. This relationship can’t be called healthy.
Sports replace his wife, which is totally unacceptable and may lead to a whole range of emotional problems, which can cause quarrels and arguments.
Wife replaces the child, which is also wrong as she demands the attention that a child needs. The husband then asks for more control over his wife in return. She doesn’t like this, so they fight.
Looking at where the friends are located, it seems they are more important to him that his offspring, which can result in the child feeling unwanted and unprotected by it’s father. Usually when the child grows up, the father doesn’t become a figure of great authority and significance to him.
These “circles of intimacy” can be used when you feel like your life lacks balance and like your relationships have problems. By completing this test, you can get a clear picture of your life and use it to make corrections and achieve balance.
