Most everything we do and feel affects our bodies and minds. So what is anger, anyway? Simply put, it is an emotion, but one with a purpose: to stop or start something. It might pop up, for instance, when you need to block a threat or take control of a situation. Most of the time, you get that grrr feeling after an interaction goes wonky — say, when a miscommunication results in your time being wasted or when someone violates your boundaries or takes something of yours.
Anger sets off our fight-or-flight response, which evolved back in our club-carrying days to help us survive. The problem is, what served us back then (the rage-fueled rush that protected the food supply from an invading clan) can be overblown in modern life. Of course, people learn to modulate anger: Consider how you tamp it back when you’re annoyed at your boss versus how you rail at your teenager when he forgets to put away the milk … again.
There are times when anger is appropriate — when we need to protect ourselves or others. It lets others know a behavior won’t be tolerated. But when your fury is chronic or outsize or you use it to hurt someone, it creates toxic stress that can damage your health. The best thing you can do is understand what sets you off — and learn ways to rein it in when your inner temperature starts to rise. To that end, read on for some anger management tips from Elaine Chin, M.D., and Bill Howatt, Ph.D.
1. Prioritize getting more sleep.
Research validates what we all know: Being sleep-deprived leads to more anger, hostility, and irritation.
2. Hit the gym a couple times a week.
Regular exercise helps decrease anger and releases feel-good chemicals. (It aids in keeping those telomeres healthy too.)
3. Eat less junk food.
Don’t skip meals either. When we need to eat, we often want to bite someone’s head off too. That’s because when blood glucose drops, that triggers the release of cortisol and adrenaline to pull stored glucose into your bloodstream. Those hormones trigger anxious, upset, or aggressive feelings. Bam — you’re not only starved but also majorly “hangry.”
4. Quiet your mind.
Take 15 to 30 minutes a day to do brain relaxation such as meditation — it calms your nervous system.
5. Own your emotions.
Think honestly about how often your fury pops up and what triggers it. You can’t change something unless you acknowledge that it’s there.
6. Breathe.
Deep, slow breathing really does calm the body. New research suggests that it keeps certain neurons in your brain from signaling your body’s arousal center, so you avoid getting worked up.
7. Count to 10.
Fight-or-flight is fast; the rational mind moves much more slowly, so give it time to catch up. Cooling the adrenaline response also lets your body release hormones that counter it, de-escalating the feeling.
8. Distract yourself.
It’s hard to feel two emotions simultaneously, so do something that’s incompatible with anger: Cuddle your dog or watch something funny or aww-inspiring on YouTube.
9. Channel your frustration.
If current events are fueling your feelings, show up at a town hall meeting or march, or volunteer to help — you’ll be around like-minded people and help make a difference.
When to Speak to a Pro
If you regularly can’t shake angry feelings, it may be useful to talk to a therapist — ask your GP for a referral. Give that person a call if you:
Regularly lose your temper with people you care about.
Lose sleep thinking about things that upset you.
Get intense and loud when you’re angry and make blunt and hurtful comments.
Are told by others that your anger is getting in the way of your personal or work life.
