Adolescents agonising over their appearance is nothing new – after all, many of us spent hours worrying about our looks and image at that typically awkward stage. But, thanks to social media and ‘celebrity culture’, the intensity of self-scrutiny has deepened – and seems to kick in much earlier.
As parents, it’s something we can struggle to help our pre-teens and teens with. We’re pre-programmed to automatically think our children are beautiful, so it can be tricky to know how to react beyond telling them they’re fabulous as they are and assuming that’s enough. But when they’re beset with negative thoughts about themselves, sadly it often isn’t. Here’s what you can do.
1. Address rather than dismiss body self-criticisms
We all think our kids are beautiful so it’s easy to respond to self-criticism with an automatic ‘Don’t be silly…’ But your child might not see the same things as us when they look in the mirror (or at their latest selfie) – or have the same benchmarks.
Instead of dismissing something, provide reassurance or context. So if your child says, for example ‘I wish I were thinner’ and they genuinely are a healthy weight, ask them what makes them think that and why. This can lead into a healthy discussion about the issue.
2. Remember boys can also have body image issues
Much of the emphasis on body image in the media relates to girls but boys need help with this too. Keep an eye on their comments and behaviour for warning signs that they’ve developed unrealistic ideals of their own or female bodies.
Look out for them having unrealistic ideas of what a body ‘should’ be like. Do they think they’re a failure if they don’t have a six pack?
3. Explain the reality of social media photos
Of course, if the majority of photos you see use ‘filters’, airbrushing or are of surgically-enhanced models and reality TV stars, you’re not going to have a realistic view of what ‘normal’ people look like.
Some of the ‘before’ and ‘after’/ no filters/ no make-up shots online are worth looking at together. Instagram stars are increasingly now revealing just what goes into creating that relaxed, of-the-moment shot – and it’s a lot more complicated than you’d first assume.
4. Be a positive role model
Do you complain about your flabby tummy or how you don’t like your legs/ nose/ sticky out ears…? Do you discuss other peoples’ bodies critically in your child’s presence? They’ll probably be picking up on this and might start to scrutinise themselves in the same way.
5. Focus on non-physical traits in others
Whether it’s commenting about a celebrity on TV or referring to your children, be wary of focusing on the physical. Try not to mention too often ‘you’re pretty/ handsome’ or similar, as it becomes their defining factor. Instead talk about achievements or favourable personality traits.
6. Do focus on the physical strengths of your bodies
So, yes your legs are muscular but that makes them strong. Your tummy has stretch marks, because it dealt with the wonder of pregnancy. Encouraging your child to see what their body is capable of rather than just what it looks like will help them feel more confident about the skin they’re in.
