When we have greater self-esteem, our confidence soars, as well as our feeling of self-worth, general happiness and motivation.
Unsurprisingly, this is backed up by science as brain scan studies have shown that, when self-esteem is high, we are more resilient and less hurt by rejection or failure, and we become less exposed to anxiety.
With all these positive benefits, working on self-esteem is certainly important. So what is the magic formula for boosting it?
In a blog post on TED, psychologist Guy Winch detailed the five ways you can improve your confidence.
1. USE POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS CORRECTLY
Not everyone benefits from positive declarations such as ‘I am going to be a great success’ – this works for people with already high self-esteem but not for those with low self-worth. This is because the highly positive affirmation opposes how they feel about themselves. More realistic affirmations such as ‘I’m going to work hard to succeed’ will be more believable to those with lower confidence and can boost their self-esteem.
2. IDENTIFY YOUR ABILITIES AND DEVELOP THEM
A big part of our self-esteem derives from doing something we are good at. Find out what that is and do more of it. If you are a good cook, arrange more dinner parties,, or if you are a strong walker, get involved in some charity walks. By demonstrating ability and achievement in areas that matter to you, self-worth will grow. Find opportunities and careers to showcase your talents.
3. LEARN TO ACCEPT COMPLIMENTS
When we have a negative opinion of ourselves we don’t accept compliments readily. The irony is that this is when we need them most. So try and tolerate compliments even if they make you feel awkward. The best way to handle compliments is to learn set responses, such as a simple ‘thank you’ and ‘that’s nice of you to say’. After doing this over time you will feel less inclined to deny compliments.
4. DON’T CRITICISE YOURSELF
Low self-esteem normally results in an increase in self-criticism, further damaging our confidence. This is where self-compassion comes in. Whenever you start thinking critical things about yourself, stop and ask yourself if you would think that way about a friend in your situation. We tend to be kinder to others than ourselves, so start regarding yourself in the same way you would loved ones. This will help build self-esteem.
5. AFFIRM YOUR REAL WORTH
Make a list of qualities you have that are relevant in the specific context affecting your self-esteem. For example, if you failed to get a work promotion, list what makes you a great employee. Then expand on one of the points by writing down why this quality is important and appreciated by other people. Do this exercise every day for a week and you should feel a boost in self-worth.
So, though self-esteem can be a fragile thing and can fluctuate with different experiences, with a bit of work it can be improved and lead to better emotional well-being.
