When a loved one wrongs you, it can be nearly impossible to move on.
But these steps from Nicholas H. Ney, Ph.D., a California-based psychologist who specialises in forgiveness education, can help you let go of hurt feelings and open up your heart again.
Reflect
Consider how past relationships may influence how you react to a slight. Ask yourself, ‘Can I view this offense less personally?’ If you can pinpoint the source of old pain, you stand a better chance of healing current misunderstandings.
Change your mindset
If you can’t seem to shake feelings of resentment toward a person who has hurt you, try to focus on something kind he or she has done for you, Ney suggests. ‘This may help you regulate your emotional thermostat and move away from negative feelings.’
Don’t expect an apology
Forgiveness shouldn’t depend on another person’s words or actions, and it ‘doesn’t mean you’re forgetting something painful or excusing poor behaviour,’ says Ney. ‘It’s more about deciding to make peace with what happened.’
