The impact of abusive relationships on mental health and self-esteem is well-documented. But have you considered how toxic friendships could have a similarly damaging effect?
According to Anjula Mutanda, a relationship psychologist and ambassador for Relate, a real-life mean girl can ‘have serious consequence’s for someone’s happiness and ability to socialise with other people’.
She told The Huffington Post that there are some common behaviours to look out for when trying to identify a toxic friend.
‘They belittle your achievements – whether that’s a pay rise or a new boyfriend – and put you down,’ she said. ‘They won’t celebrate you, but pick holes and faults in your achievements.’
She added: ‘If you notice you feel drained with them or stressed or more self-critical, that tells you something in that relationship isn’t good for you.
‘You may find that your behaviour alters around them, like you’re walking on eggshells to avoid conflict or criticism.’
Anjula says the first thing to remember is that it’s not you, it’s them: ‘It could be they feel jealous or inadequate. They may just like to dominate another person.’
If this all sounds a bit familiar, her advice is to deal with it as soon as possible. If you think the friendship is worth saving, then you need to half an honest discussion with them about their behaviour and why it needs to change.
Otherwise, don’t be scared to end the friendship – making a clean break if you have to.
‘On social media there is no harm in unfriending and unfollowing someone,’ Anjula concludes. ‘It acts as a good signal that you are stepping out of the arena.’
Friendships should lift you up, not grind you down – so if ay of this is striking a chord, make an effort to tackle that toxic friend today and surround yourself with positive, caring people going forward.
