It may seem that “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus,” and as a man with many female friends and many women clients, I’m here to share both sides of the conversation.
What a woman may think is proper behavior in dating and relationships, a man might believe is way off-base and a deal breaker.
Here are some of the major ways women sabotage their own relationships.
Trying to Change a Man
Have you ever entered a relationship liking only 80% of the man? What about the 20% of him that you don’t like? Perhaps he has a vice such as gambling or smoking, or perhaps you want to try and make him more social. Men are very set in their ways and trying to change him is a mistake that many women make in relationships. Men don’t want to change and they certainly hate being told to do so by women.
Why start dating him in the first place if you don’t like the whole package? Men won’t change if you ask them to change. They’ll only ever change for you because they recognize it themselves. In short they have to want to change.
Instead, just be a great girlfriend. Make him fall in love with you so that he’ll understand how great you are. If he understands how fabulous you are and that he can’t live without you, he will make the decision alone. Don’t nag him because all guys hate this.
Being Controlling
Some people can’t help themselves. They just have to manage every situation. That behavior repels guys, in particular. Don’t try to dress him, don’t try tell him what to eat, don’t try to get him to exercise… or to get a job. You started going out with him in whatever state he was in, accept him or move on. Don’t fall into the typical trap, “He’d be perfect if I could just get him to change….
Being a Drama Queen
Drama queens can be really entertaining at times to watch from a distance, but it’s a completely different story if you’re romantically linked to one.
There are many women out there who love drama. This is something that really irks men. There are women who cause drama with others, and then there are those who cause drama with their men. Often, there’s no serious issue underlining the dramatic fights and public scenes that these women make. It’s simply a form of attention.
If you have an issue with your man, it’s not necessary to air your dirty laundry in public. Your relationship problems are between you and your man; they should be addressed without an audience. Making a scene in public is simply immature and will likely create even bigger – perhaps more genuine – problems in your relationship. You may even jeopardize things that are important to your man – like his job or his friendships.
Thinking Negatively
There’s nothing worse than always being surrounded by negativity. Negativity has a knock-on effect and really can affect the people around you. This is something that’s likely to drive your man away. You’re negative about everything: Your job, your life and even worse, your relationship.
Of course, we all have genuine concerns about our relationships from time to time, but before you a accuse him of no longer loving you or wanting to be with you, ask yourself this: How do you know? Do you have proof? Constantly doing this is manipulative. It’s a way of getting him to pay you more attention, but it’s usually the wrong kind of attention.
Guys hate games as much as we do, so if you really are concerned, ask him about your concerns directly. You’re more likely to get an answer and have a chance to resolve the issue(s) by doing this than by playing games.
Overanalyzing Every Word
Typically, a man can say or do something without much thought. On the other hand, women tend to spend hours discussing the nuances in what a man said or did with a girlfriends. They will break down every part of the communication. Was it a text? Did it have a smiley face? What time did you text? How many texts that day? etc.
I know it’s hard not to overthink things when you’re dating since you don’t always know where a man stands, especially since some of them aren’t good at communicating their feelings and emotions.
If he didn’t contact you today or didn’t make plans far enough in advance, just go with the flow. He’s probably busy or having a bad day or week. You don’t know.
Obsessing with your girlfriends won’t get you any closer to the solution. You’ll end up confronting him with your overdrawn conclusions, getting mad and driving him towards the nearest exit.
