After the oh-so blissful “honeymoon phase,” it’s not unusual to find your relationship beelining toward the “five-year itch”—if you catch our drift. But don’t throw in the towel on your partner just yet! There are many little ways you can rekindle the spark, and chief among them is a simple change in perspective.
“What a lot of people don’t realize is that what they are seeing has to do with where they are looking, and whatever they look at starts to get bigger in their mind,” psychologist Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., told Psychology Today. “The brain has limited attentional capacity, which means it can only focus on a certain number of things at one time. Once your brain is occupied with something, you start to lose awareness of what else is happening around you.”
While no relationship is perfect, focusing on the negative aspects could inhibit your ability to see the positive (and vice-versa!). Dr. Vilhauer’s advice? Schedule time each day to appreciate your partner.
Here’s how it works: First, take a few moments to recall why you first fell in love with your partner, and write those reasons down on a piece of paper. Then, each night, write down three things that describe what you enjoyed about your partner that day. When you wake up in the morning, reread the list before you get out of bed. Dr. Vilhauer recommends adding three items to the list every day for 30 days. (And while you’re at it, it can’t hurt to tell your partner these meaningful things every day, too.)
Why is this a big deal? As Dr. Vilhauer explains, “The more you start to give your attention to things that you like about your partner over time, the more you will start to see that person you first fell for, and you will find yourself noticing fewer of the things that are bothering you now.”
Of course, no relationship should be a one-way street, either.
